So today we celebrated the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I was so excited about going to church this morning that I got up a full three hours before my alarm. This is a big deal because I've barely had a full night's sleep since Tommy left us and I DO NOT like to get up early. But this morning was different. I have been celebrating His Resurrection in my heart for days now. But I couldn't wait to get back to church and join with others to praise Him.
So I got us all ready to go and got us to church an hour early. But we couldn't go in. The kids didn't get to stay at church with me today. Today was their daddy's day to have them. He met us at church and took them away for the day. Even after saying goodbye to my babies, I was still super excited to be at church. For several hours I did nothing but worship my Lord. It was awesome! The first service was so good that I had to do it again so I stayed for the second service. It was even better.
At the end of the service I just sat there for a bit. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want it to end. But it did. I walked out to my car and just sat there for a long time. I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with myself for the rest of this Resurrection Sunday that I must spend alone. I sat there and cried for a while. I cried all the way home and a little more when I got inside. I'm not sure what I was crying about. Maybe it was because it was Easter and my kids and my husband were spending it with someone else. Maybe I was mourning the loss of my marriage. Maybe I was crying because I felt so alone. It was a different feeling than I felt when He left. It was a different feeling than when I found out he was unfaithful. I'm no longer in shock. It's as if I am just trying to settle into what will now be our new normal. I'm trying to accept all that has happened and figure out what in the world I'm supposed to do now. This was not the plan. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to raise our children together. We were supposed to be a team. This is not what was supposed to have happened! So I cried.
As I cried I thought about the disciples and how they must have felt...not on the day of the Resurrection but on the day before. The Crucifixion was over. Jesus had been killed in front of them. He had been taken from the cross and put in a tomb. He was gone and they were left alone to figure out what in the world they were to do without Him. He was supposed to deliver them from bondage. He was supposed to set them free. He was supposed to be the Savior. But now He was dead and they had lost everything. What now? I'm sure, like me, they were confused and hurt and scared. And I'm sure that, also like me, they cried.
When they woke on Sunday I'm sure that they were still in pain. They were still confused and afraid. But something happened on Sunday that they could never have imagined. Jesus rose from the dead to give them new life! He was indeed the redeemer. He really was the Savior they hoped Him to be. He really was all that they thought He was...and more!
We all go through times like this. Times of loss and pain and confusion. We are completely shattered by what happened on Friday. We may spend our Saturday in tears. But thankfully Saturdays don't last forever. There is an allotted time and when that time passes...the sun rises on Sunday. No matter what we are going through in our lives right now; No matter what happened on Friday; No matter how painful the Saturday, Sunday is always just in sight.
Even in the midst of my tears, I am excited about what Sunday surely holds for me. And I am encouraged to know that my Sunday is on its way... and so is yours. Won't you be encouraged with me today?